I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
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Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.