Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me