we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.