I just saw a hot homeless man
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.