She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
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We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
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I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube