Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
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