A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
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i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
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So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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