Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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