Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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