i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
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