you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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