I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
