Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
