um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
