Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
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