He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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