So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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