Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize