saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize