Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
