I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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