I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
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