Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
