I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
