so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
