Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
