I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
