Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
