I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
