I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
this is an emotional support booty call
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
