I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
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When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
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