pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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