who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
now i know why i became what i already was.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
