put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
