she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
my shit smells like andre
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
