I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
