What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
you had me at cake vodka
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
