just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
