not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
