You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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