hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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