omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
my shit smells like andre
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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