My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
