i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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