I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
