I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
you would pick up someone in the library
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
