What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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