his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
