i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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