He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
