Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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