so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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