god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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