..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize