didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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