I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
