Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Randomize
