no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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