Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
