You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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