You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
