dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
The air taste purple.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
