sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
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