What did we do last night that was yellow?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
