Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
