ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
