I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
