you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
The beer is more important than you right now.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
